I'm feeling very sad and wounded in my heart by my Mom's passing on January 20th, only 10 days ago. We thought she was going to live for at least another year, we thought we had some more precious time.
To describe the pain of being in the hospital watching your Mom, the woman you love most, your best friend, your idol, dying of cancer in 4 days is inconceivable.
The only thing we (sibings & famiy) could do after her passing was say. . . "It could have been worse.... she only suffered really for 36 hours and other people who have cancer suffer for weeks like this. . ."
And she was so brave. She made us believe she was going to be okay and then the cancer started to take over.
The last 3 hours of her life, my siblings were downstairs in the hospital, they couldn't stomach watching my Mom die. .... but me, I couldn't leave her in a lonely hospital room by herself to die. And I wasn't mad at my siblings because I knew it was meant to be that I was the one to stay with her. ..I took my shoes off, laid in her bed and held her. Didn't say too much, pressed my body close to hers so she could feel my (her youngest child) heart beat. Every breath she struggled to take, I took with her... And I did express my love for her, my gratitude for our unbreakable bond, for the incredible life she gave me and she cried. . .and I cried...I stayed next to her until her last breath. Then I said. . . go to the light Mom, be with Dad.
If you know me well, you know my Dad died in 2010. My Mom was never the same afterwards. She missed him like crazy. The last year of her life, we did many fun things together but I knew something was always missing. . . my Father. When we visited his cemetary, she would whisper to him. ."See ya soon, I love you and miss you".
As much as my heart hurts now, and I'm sad - there's a feeling of peace as I know she's with my Dad. Death to me is a new beginning on another dimension, a place more loving than planet earth. . . so I know they are together.
I've been thru the heartache of the death of one parent in 2010 and now my other parent in 2013. It sucks. It really sucks.
But it's inevitable, it happens to everyone and I can only say I'm grateful my parents were always in love for my entire life and my Mom was so in love with him that she needed to leave here to be with him. I miss her like crazy. I miss them. Bonnie & Clyde. Cher & Sonny. John & Yoko. Mickey & Minnie. . . they were like peanut butter and jelly.
I am my "Mothers Daughter", she was strong, she taught me strength and 2013 will be the year I need most what she taught me. Thank you for reading this and if your parents are alive, call them and say hello. Often. You never know when they might not be here.
It's hard to believe that we're going into 2013 already. It's been a whirlwind of a year. Time has been very surreal lately. Sometimes I feel like something happened so long ago and realize that it was just last year. Have you ever felt like this?
If you know me, you know I've had a crazy 2 years of obstacles with my Mom having cancer and my Dad passing. But I never once let myself stop creating music. I can't stop creating and working and making music. Working makes me feel like I'm traveling, going somewhere, it helps me to "escape"......
It seems like the last 2 years has taught me that I can go thru anything and survive. Emotionally I've been tested over and over. Everything I'm feeling wants to burst out in music. That will be a large part of 2013, to experiment musically and create more and more. . . . I feel as though I've grown 10x's a person from what I've been thru and I recognize that i've been given the gift of growth as a person. I think to be more compassionate towards others and appreciate life more is what I've learned most.
The main message I want to communicate is that if you have gone thru hard times - - you're not alone. Also, the heart, mind and soul is something that can perservere thru anything, so don't give up. ever. beyond the rain is a rainbow.
It's crazy how so many people are getting cancer these days. Within the past year I've known people who have had their parents, cousins, dear friends pass of cancer. Seems like everything 'causes cancer - - water, food, hair products, skin products, paints, etc.
My Mom had cancer in 2009 and she went thru 6 months of chemotherapy. She had a double mascetomy and plastic surgery. She went thru terrible pain and was bed ridden for most of the time she had chemotherapy. 3 weeks after the doctors told her she was "cancer free" and "ok" my Dad past from cardiac arrest. It was beyond sad and just when my Mom seemed to be getting back on her feet from the depression of losing my Dad the doctors found cancer inside her body again and told her she would have to go thru chemotherapy again.
Starting in February 2012 my Mom has been going thru chemotherapy for the 2nd time and it's been difficult. She couldn't get out of bed and couldn't eat. HOWEVER, she has been feeling much better lately and is doing great and here's why. . . .
The reason I'm writing this journal/blog is because I want you to know that I found 2 very valuable things that have been helping my Mom and by writing this I hope that if you know someone who has cancer you'll share this information (please!!)
A. my dear friend Paul Inder, who is the music producer who produced a song I wrote called "Shadow" gave me a tea called "Pau D'arco". This tea is hard to find in stores (best to buy on the internet) and it has been known to cure cancer and help remove tumors. My Mom started drinking it everyday one month ago and she is feeling a huge difference. She has more energy and her doctor says she shows improvement.
B. my neighbor and friend Marlene had cancer many years ago and couldn't get out of bed because she was so ill. She went to an acupuncurist in NYC years ago when she lived in NYC and had cancer and after going to this acupuncurist she felt like she could do cartwheels down the street. When I went to visit my Mom in September 2012 I brought her to the same acupuncurist as my neighbor went to (his name is Dr. Shu and he's located downtown near NYU). My Mom was resistant to going, she said she didn't like needles - -but I told her to please try. While we were on the bus going to this Doc, I asked her on a scale from 1-10 how she felt "energy-wise", 10 being full of energy. She said she felt tired, around a 5. One hour getting acupuncture, she came out of the office with a glow and smile and said she felt like an 8. She is now going weekly and she feels wonderful!!
Therefore I really truly believe that anyone who has cancer should drink the "Pau D'arco" tea and get acupunture. These are 2 alternative avenues out there that can save peoples lives and ease the pain of going thru cancer.
Thank you for reading and I hope you will forward this to someone you know who has cancer or somebody who knows somebody!
Peace & Love always. #nowisthetime #teamlove
Going to France was amazing. The time I spent there traveling and performing was one of the best experiences ever.
Many of my friends & fans who have been watching me do music year after year were the most excited when they heard the news. I feel very lucky in that I have friends & fans who want to see me perform all around the world.
I think when you do something you love and you don't stop success is only a natural part and I welcome success with open arms.
I was booked to go to France because friends of mine who like my songs set up these performance opportunities. It's the best thing in the world when you surround yourself with people who believe in you. Recently in my life, in the past couple years, I've made a commitment to only surround myself with positive people. Life is too short to be around people who don't want the best fo you and who bring you down. Time is precious.
If you're reading this - I want to say thank you for your support and I wish you the best. Please don't hesitate to write on my comment wall on my website. I read everything. Stay tuned for more journal postings. xo
To view some short videos of my trip in France - click here to go to my youtube channel: www.youtube.com/frankilovemusic
Hi Everyone - thanks for visiting the journal part of my website. More stories will be comging soon. Come back and visit.
I miss my Father. He past away suddenly from cardiac arrest on Sept. 11th, 2010. He was the most legendary Father. The life of the party. The most generous man. He gave me many things - the greatest of them all - a sense of humor. He was a accountant and also did stand up comedy in New York City as a fun hobby. He was married to my Mom for decades. Until the day he died my parents were inseparable.
For 6 months after his death I was in a very depressed mental & emotional coma. There were many things that I learned that I never saw before in life. First, that life does in fact have an ending and you never know when your time may come.. (I knew it on a conceptual level before but it never struck me as reality till now). Secondly, who my true friends are. True friends are those who stick with you thru the tough times as well as the good times. Third, I feel that life is really about the moments and ever since my Dad has past away - I've been on a mission to live in these moments not living in the past nor the future.
I also realized that my dream to spread music around the world is urgent as I now realize how death can happen in any moment. Therefore since my Dad has past I have gathered all my courage together and am going full speed towards my dreams. My Dad always complained when I was growing up that the current music and songs on the radio didn't make sense to him that he didn't understand the words or what people were talking about..... and when I was around 12 years old, as I sat at the piano - - I promised him that I would write songs that he'd understand. My mission has always been to write songs that people would feel and be inspired by........